Roses Do Smile

Bess Myerson once wrote that “to fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful,” especially if you are the one who wanted the relationship to last. But to stop loving isn’t an option. Author Henri Nouwen writes, “When those you love deeply reject you, leave you, or die, your heart will be broken. But that should not hold you back from loving deeply. The pain that comes from deep love makes your love ever more fruitful.” But how do we get beyond the pain? Here are 12 techniques I’ve gathered from experts and from conversations with friends on how they patched up their heart and tried, ever so gradually, to move on.  1. Go through it, not around it.  I realize the most difficult task for a person with a broken heart is to stand still and feel the crack. But that is exactly what she must do. Because no shortcut is without its share of obstructions. Here’s a simple fact: You have to grieve in order to move on. During the 18 months of my sever...

[Culled from her book, HOW TO CHOOSE A LIFE PARTNER---165 QUESTIONS TO ASK] Breaking up has its own challenges. Nobody ever said it was going to be easy. Having enough courage to tell your partner that you are calling it quits is a major challenge. Many people stay in a bad relationship for fear of being lonely. There is also the allegiance of mutual friends. Breaking up will not be easy, even when it is necessary, but divorce is a lot more terrible. Rather break up a courtship than endure a divorce. A relationship that you are not enthusiastic about is leading nowhere. You may need to break it off before it turns around to break you. If you feel the need to break off a relationship, have the courage and goodness of heart to tell your partner the pain truth [exactly what you find distasteful about the relationship] with the purpose of serving, rather than slighting him/her. Never spiritualise your action, for example, by saying that you heard from the Lord. This will not do. R...

I want to be blunt here and say things the way they really are. I have spoken privately and severally with guyz on the principal thing they look out for in a lady they hope to marry. One thing stood out----The lady must be good in bed. She must be sexy. She must be sweet and her body must be attractive. On and on the guyz went describing how romantic the lady must look. I have also followed court cases on divorce and noted the frequent reasons why a man or woman wants his/her marriage dissolved. I have observed that more often than not, men based their decision to marry a lady on sexual emotions. That informs why when a man first meets a lady, he 'browses' her with his eyes from head to toe, checking 'everything' that appeals to him sexually, and when he feels satisfied that the lady will do well in bed, he falls in love with her almost immediately. And the wooing game begins. He tells her how much he loves her, she is the best thing in the world and so on. And...