''....butterflies...that excitement you feel when you think about someone you are crazy about or when you see him or hear that he is coming to see you....'' Favour Ikea Charles Tells Andrew Adedayo Adetoye
Favour Ikea Charles, Nigerian, wife, mother, accountant, associate senior pastor, women leader, inspirational speaker, tells Andrew Adedayo Adetoye her marriage story, love and much more!
i
How
was your childhood like growing up?
Favour:
My name is Favour Charles (Ikea). I come from a family of six of which I am the third, we are all girls. Ok, growing up was so much fun because my parents were not what you can describe as rich or wealthy. I grew up in a public compound. I and my three younger ones were the only ones who got an opportunity to go to a private school, while my senior ones went to a public school. Sometimes, I would wish I was born to another family that is more comfortable. My Daddy is a pastor, for me I felt it was a major disadvantage because I didn’t get the chance to do lots of other things my mates did freely. I didn’t visit places I would have loved to visit, I was not allowed to dance to the music others would dance to. I couldn’t fight and get away with it. I just couldn’t do lots of things.
What were the main challenges you faced when you were a teen?
My name is Favour Charles (Ikea). I come from a family of six of which I am the third, we are all girls. Ok, growing up was so much fun because my parents were not what you can describe as rich or wealthy. I grew up in a public compound. I and my three younger ones were the only ones who got an opportunity to go to a private school, while my senior ones went to a public school. Sometimes, I would wish I was born to another family that is more comfortable. My Daddy is a pastor, for me I felt it was a major disadvantage because I didn’t get the chance to do lots of other things my mates did freely. I didn’t visit places I would have loved to visit, I was not allowed to dance to the music others would dance to. I couldn’t fight and get away with it. I just couldn’t do lots of things.
What were the main challenges you faced when you were a teen?
Favour:
Alright, let me try to remember some…….
Alright, let me try to remember some…….
I wanted to be accepted amongst my peers, but since most of the things I
have been taught was very different from what they were already doing, it was
kind of difficult and that made me to be a little bit withdrawn. I became an
introvert, always cautious not to make a mistake.
Another of my challenge was that I was easily drawn to anyone who gave me
some attention, be it a girl or a boy. So much that when they hurt me, it goes
very deep.
Favour
How did you handle sexual temptations back then as teen?
Favour:
Well, I started ‘dating’ guys too early, I told you earlier that I get easily drawn to anyone nice to me, yes, to be honest, this guys wanted more than just being close. But that wasn’t me. Probably because of the way my Dad brought us up.I was content with relationship but the guys that I was close to, were always wanting more than just being friends who were in love. Most of the times too, I had this feelings of wanting them to hold me, kiss me and all that when we are both alone and when am alone thinking about them but each time they wanted to go beyond kissing and all the surface romance, I got scared and I won’t let them. And today I still wonder why they usually let me go, without forcing me. I kept growing and it seemed there was a magnetic force that pulled me to the same kind of guys, they would try and won’t try to hurt me when I say no. sometimes we even struggle but at the end, it turns out the same way. When I was about to turn 19, I dated a guy for close to 9 months, he was so nice, and he kept telling me to show him that I really loved him, and that he has tried by being patient with me, he told me that he was suffering and beginning to look like a fool. I knew where he was going to by those words, at some point I decided to give in, by now I was more knowledgeable and I was aware of all the implications. I also knew that sex was not a proof of love and that it was a sin before God, still out of sympathy and so that I wouldn’t look weirdthe I promised him that I was going to make out with him. We fixed a date, as the day was approaching my Dad who was in the state as at then called me on phone,I don’t know if he got a revelation, but he started speaking to me in that direction. His words kept ringing over and over in my heart. Each day I went to church, in every message, I seem to be hearing the same thing. The same month I made a fresh commitment life to Christ. It was my Daddy’s words and the word of God that helped me overcome sexual temptations. As for handling the temptation, I couldn’t have done that for long if I met violent guys because I also felt deep passion for these guys and I could have just given in if…….I wouldn’t know.
Well, I started ‘dating’ guys too early, I told you earlier that I get easily drawn to anyone nice to me, yes, to be honest, this guys wanted more than just being close. But that wasn’t me. Probably because of the way my Dad brought us up.I was content with relationship but the guys that I was close to, were always wanting more than just being friends who were in love. Most of the times too, I had this feelings of wanting them to hold me, kiss me and all that when we are both alone and when am alone thinking about them but each time they wanted to go beyond kissing and all the surface romance, I got scared and I won’t let them. And today I still wonder why they usually let me go, without forcing me. I kept growing and it seemed there was a magnetic force that pulled me to the same kind of guys, they would try and won’t try to hurt me when I say no. sometimes we even struggle but at the end, it turns out the same way. When I was about to turn 19, I dated a guy for close to 9 months, he was so nice, and he kept telling me to show him that I really loved him, and that he has tried by being patient with me, he told me that he was suffering and beginning to look like a fool. I knew where he was going to by those words, at some point I decided to give in, by now I was more knowledgeable and I was aware of all the implications. I also knew that sex was not a proof of love and that it was a sin before God, still out of sympathy and so that I wouldn’t look weirdthe I promised him that I was going to make out with him. We fixed a date, as the day was approaching my Dad who was in the state as at then called me on phone,I don’t know if he got a revelation, but he started speaking to me in that direction. His words kept ringing over and over in my heart. Each day I went to church, in every message, I seem to be hearing the same thing. The same month I made a fresh commitment life to Christ. It was my Daddy’s words and the word of God that helped me overcome sexual temptations. As for handling the temptation, I couldn’t have done that for long if I met violent guys because I also felt deep passion for these guys and I could have just given in if…….I wouldn’t know.
Who
was your role model back then as teen?
Favour:
I didn’t have a particular person as a role model. I was just picking qualities from different persons depending on where I found myself.
I didn’t have a particular person as a role model. I was just picking qualities from different persons depending on where I found myself.
Favour:
Hmmmm…. I wouldn’t say yes as such. I think the difference is in the improvement in technology. It has given the teens of this time more exposure and made them more wild but em….. the actions are still almost the same.
Hmmmm…. I wouldn’t say yes as such. I think the difference is in the improvement in technology. It has given the teens of this time more exposure and made them more wild but em….. the actions are still almost the same.
What was your childhood dream?
Favour:
Hahahaha….. my childhood dream was to marry on time, have so much money to give to my children for lunch while going to school. I wanted to marry a very rich man. It was all about being wealthy and having all that I couldn’t have with my par
Hahahaha….. my childhood dream was to marry on time, have so much money to give to my children for lunch while going to school. I wanted to marry a very rich man. It was all about being wealthy and having all that I couldn’t have with my par
Would
you say you have realized your childhood dream?
Favour:
Yes I did realize that dream and am on my way to actualizing it completely. I got married on time and my children have better opportunities I never got.
Yes I did realize that dream and am on my way to actualizing it completely. I got married on time and my children have better opportunities I never got.
How
long have you been married now?
Favour:
I have been married for close to twelve years now.
I have been married for close to twelve years now.
Favour & Hubby
Every
single have a dream of falling in love. Did you fall in love before marrying
your spouse?
Favour:
Yes I did, more than once. Though now I wouldn’t subscribe to falling in love but to standing in love.
Yes I did, more than once. Though now I wouldn’t subscribe to falling in love but to standing in love.
What
is love to you?
Favour:
What most people call love today is actually infatuation. Excitement that fades and can’t withstand pressure. Love for me is all that 1 Corinthians 13 says it is. Love is experienced as a feeling but more than the feeling it is expressed by actions. Love draws you to a person and makes you do the things you will not ordinarily do. But whatever makes you do things God says is bad, cannot be love because love does not rejoice in wrong.
What most people call love today is actually infatuation. Excitement that fades and can’t withstand pressure. Love for me is all that 1 Corinthians 13 says it is. Love is experienced as a feeling but more than the feeling it is expressed by actions. Love draws you to a person and makes you do the things you will not ordinarily do. But whatever makes you do things God says is bad, cannot be love because love does not rejoice in wrong.
Love is in three dimensions- love for all (agape, unconditional), love
for those you share a connection with, maybe family or friends (phileo,
affection), love for your spouse, the person you are married to or that you are
about to marry (eros, sexual). This sexual love you may feel towards the person
you are not yet married to is not to be practiced before the marriage, however,
it ought to be there to show that you should be married to this person, it has
a lot to do with attraction. No marriage can thrive without it.
Do
girls really have butterflies when they are in love? Did you have some?
Favour:
I think they all do. Is butterflies not that excitement you feel when you think about someone you are crazy about or when you see him or hear that he is coming to see you? If that is it, then I had some…[Laughs]
I think they all do. Is butterflies not that excitement you feel when you think about someone you are crazy about or when you see him or hear that he is coming to see you? If that is it, then I had some…[Laughs]
Favour & Hubby
Favour:
I can’t remember. The date I remember is with my husband when he took me to an eatery. I was excited but shy at the same time because we had to sit and look each other face to face. We also had lots of questions to ask and answer. It was remarkable.
I can’t remember. The date I remember is with my husband when he took me to an eatery. I was excited but shy at the same time because we had to sit and look each other face to face. We also had lots of questions to ask and answer. It was remarkable.
If you
were to go through your first date one more time, what will you do
differently?
Favour:
I would not ask a lot more questions than I got to ask and I would be more confident in my approach.
I would not ask a lot more questions than I got to ask and I would be more confident in my approach.
Would
you say that love is blind?
Favour:
Infatuation chooses to be blind but love is not blind at all. Being in love with someone does not mean you should overlook or pretend not to be seeing his or her flaws. Your eye must be open to know if you can deal with those flaws after now, someone said ‘if love is blind, marriage is the eye opener.’ Love sees clearly but choses to forgive or put up with the other person’s flaws. ‘love covers multitude of sins’
Infatuation chooses to be blind but love is not blind at all. Being in love with someone does not mean you should overlook or pretend not to be seeing his or her flaws. Your eye must be open to know if you can deal with those flaws after now, someone said ‘if love is blind, marriage is the eye opener.’ Love sees clearly but choses to forgive or put up with the other person’s flaws. ‘love covers multitude of sins’
Favour:
Hmmm….this is the point where you may have to agree with me that you don’t fall in love, you stand in love. It is in marriage that it is proven that love is beyond feelings. A preacher once said that it is not love that keeps a marriage going but commitment but I would prefer to say that it is love that gives birth to commitment in marriage.
Hmmm….this is the point where you may have to agree with me that you don’t fall in love, you stand in love. It is in marriage that it is proven that love is beyond feelings. A preacher once said that it is not love that keeps a marriage going but commitment but I would prefer to say that it is love that gives birth to commitment in marriage.
In marriage, you will have to spend your life with this one person day by
day, night after night. If it was feeling that made you marry this person, your
life will be of all men most miserable.
For me, my love for my husband grows by the day. I get better, he gets
better and the union gets sweeter. There were times when the things he does
will make not to feel anything for him, but understanding has made me know, he
is not his actions and together we are open to new ways of creating excitement
in our marriage, so there’s no room for diminishing of love.
What
are the fondest memories you have of dating your husband?
Favour:
He’s such a darling. He would always make me feel his day is not complete without seeing me. He takes me to places, sometimes we would take a walk just gisting, we could go to a park and just sit down and talk, he cracks lots of jokes. He was the one that made me love buying books because he bought me the first book I ever read. When he travels, the first person he comes to see is me, with the gifts he bought for me.He took me to a conference all the way from Enugu to Lagos to see bishop Jakes and Bishop John Francis and a host others, it was my second time in Lagos. So many that I can’t say now
He’s such a darling. He would always make me feel his day is not complete without seeing me. He takes me to places, sometimes we would take a walk just gisting, we could go to a park and just sit down and talk, he cracks lots of jokes. He was the one that made me love buying books because he bought me the first book I ever read. When he travels, the first person he comes to see is me, with the gifts he bought for me.He took me to a conference all the way from Enugu to Lagos to see bishop Jakes and Bishop John Francis and a host others, it was my second time in Lagos. So many that I can’t say now
Is your husband a gentleman? What makes a
gentleman?
Favour:
Yes he is ooo. He is responsible, he fears God and takes care of me and his children even church members. At home, he plays with me and the children. He helps me at home. Sometimes he even bathes the boys. Sometimes when I serve him food, before I could say jack, he has taken his plates to the kitchen himself. He apologizes when he is wrong and he forgives me even before I apologize when I am wrong. He is a man of peace. I think this and more makes a gentleman.
Yes he is ooo. He is responsible, he fears God and takes care of me and his children even church members. At home, he plays with me and the children. He helps me at home. Sometimes he even bathes the boys. Sometimes when I serve him food, before I could say jack, he has taken his plates to the kitchen himself. He apologizes when he is wrong and he forgives me even before I apologize when I am wrong. He is a man of peace. I think this and more makes a gentleman.
Favour:
Wow! He proposed to me twice. For a while he was always telling me that he needed to discuss something and I was actually scared of going to that next level of commitment, so I kept trying to dodge the discussion because I sensed what he wanted us to discuss. Finally he came over to my family house and while we sat, he just broke it, he was facing down, I saw a man that I have always known to be so confident act so tender ‘I will love to spend the rest of my life’ and the second time was in an eatery, he knelt down with a ring and asked me ‘will you marry me?’
Wow! He proposed to me twice. For a while he was always telling me that he needed to discuss something and I was actually scared of going to that next level of commitment, so I kept trying to dodge the discussion because I sensed what he wanted us to discuss. Finally he came over to my family house and while we sat, he just broke it, he was facing down, I saw a man that I have always known to be so confident act so tender ‘I will love to spend the rest of my life’ and the second time was in an eatery, he knelt down with a ring and asked me ‘will you marry me?’
Where
there signs that convinced you that you should accept your husband’s proposal?
Favour:
Yes there were. First of all I knew I was a pastor’s wife. There were other pastors that came for me but he is the pastor that possessed all I was searching for in a pastor. His humility astonishes me and his words of motivation that makes me want to be better. Above many other things, I had this unusual peace that marrying him was best for me and that I will have no reason to regret that I did.
Yes there were. First of all I knew I was a pastor’s wife. There were other pastors that came for me but he is the pastor that possessed all I was searching for in a pastor. His humility astonishes me and his words of motivation that makes me want to be better. Above many other things, I had this unusual peace that marrying him was best for me and that I will have no reason to regret that I did.
Favour:
Challenges of dating? What are the challenges of dating? I enjoyed my dating days with pastor. The major challenge we had was our pastors coming to terms with our connection because of the differences they both were having. My husband was serving in another church and I was serving in another church. Our pastors were not going to approve initially but at the end of the day they were happy they did and we are happier we did not give in so easily.
Challenges of dating? What are the challenges of dating? I enjoyed my dating days with pastor. The major challenge we had was our pastors coming to terms with our connection because of the differences they both were having. My husband was serving in another church and I was serving in another church. Our pastors were not going to approve initially but at the end of the day they were happy they did and we are happier we did not give in so easily.
Favour:
I can’t remember.
I can’t remember.
Favour & Hubby
Favour:
Yes o, my husband was and is still very romantic. He constantly checks up on me to know how am doing. When he comes around and am seeing him off, he intentionally pretends not to notice the buses going his way and we’ll just stand at the bus stop gisting, and sometimes he will end up escorting me back home. He gives me cards with sweet loving words written by him with his pen. I still have one of them with me till date. [laughs]
Yes o, my husband was and is still very romantic. He constantly checks up on me to know how am doing. When he comes around and am seeing him off, he intentionally pretends not to notice the buses going his way and we’ll just stand at the bus stop gisting, and sometimes he will end up escorting me back home. He gives me cards with sweet loving words written by him with his pen. I still have one of them with me till date. [laughs]
He gave me a CD once, where he said so many lovable things so I can listen
whenever he is not around because he was transferred to Lagos as at that time
and we could not see as usual. His smile alone is so electric and genuine.
Romance in dating is about showing care, saying sweet but decent words to
your partner. Calling them up on phone, texting, buying cards and writing your
own words in it no matter what has previously been written on them, buying
roses, saying things you really mean from your heart and letting the person
feel it that you enjoy their presence in your life no matter how busy you are.
For me, that’s romance in dating.
Favour:
We both are. You don’t wanna know how much…[Laughs]
We both are. You don’t wanna know how much…[Laughs]
Favour:
Of what use is it to discuss it? I believe it is a risky thing to do. I will personally suspect anyone who wants to discuss sex with me during dating. I had a pastor who was coming for my hand in marriage, he would talk about how he has noticed that I am so decent, he would tell me how some girls have seduced him before he met me and all that. One day, he asked me if I have kissed someone before, I checked, this was evening, he had just come to drop me off at my family house and we were still in his car, I immediately stepped out of the car, I didn’t even answer that question and that was the end for me because I remembered that my pastor then, had told us earlier to beware of men who ask questions like ‘are you a virgin’, or discuss sex. He told that that was a scheme to get you in the mood to do nonsense with them. If you talk about sex, won’t you want to practice it? Sex is a sensitive issue. It can be discussed in a group not between two people who are in love with each other.
Of what use is it to discuss it? I believe it is a risky thing to do. I will personally suspect anyone who wants to discuss sex with me during dating. I had a pastor who was coming for my hand in marriage, he would talk about how he has noticed that I am so decent, he would tell me how some girls have seduced him before he met me and all that. One day, he asked me if I have kissed someone before, I checked, this was evening, he had just come to drop me off at my family house and we were still in his car, I immediately stepped out of the car, I didn’t even answer that question and that was the end for me because I remembered that my pastor then, had told us earlier to beware of men who ask questions like ‘are you a virgin’, or discuss sex. He told that that was a scheme to get you in the mood to do nonsense with them. If you talk about sex, won’t you want to practice it? Sex is a sensitive issue. It can be discussed in a group not between two people who are in love with each other.
Looking back, what would you have done
differently in your relationship with you husband?
Favour:
I can’t think of one but I enjoyed my relationship days with him.
I can’t think of one but I enjoyed my relationship days with him.
Favour:
My advise will be, stay out of any opportunity to be left alone with your partner in a closet. You can go outing but don’t lodge in a hotel. There was a time, a guy asked me out and I followed innocently, I didn’t know he was actually taking me to a place he could pay for a chalet. When we sat down, he went to make payment, came back to tell me lets go and am like ‘go where?’ I ran home for my dear life. So it’s okay to run for your dear life. Avoid being in the dark, whether in a corner or in a car. When people are dating, they should enjoy being around others not always colonizing each other/ it will increase your desire to release all the passion that is pumping. If you have to go out, let it be in open places. If you have to even go to the beach, get other godly colleagues to go with you, stuffs do happen at the beach side. Most importantly, fear God. What nobody sees, God sees and He is a rewarder and he allows people pay for their sins as well.
My advise will be, stay out of any opportunity to be left alone with your partner in a closet. You can go outing but don’t lodge in a hotel. There was a time, a guy asked me out and I followed innocently, I didn’t know he was actually taking me to a place he could pay for a chalet. When we sat down, he went to make payment, came back to tell me lets go and am like ‘go where?’ I ran home for my dear life. So it’s okay to run for your dear life. Avoid being in the dark, whether in a corner or in a car. When people are dating, they should enjoy being around others not always colonizing each other/ it will increase your desire to release all the passion that is pumping. If you have to go out, let it be in open places. If you have to even go to the beach, get other godly colleagues to go with you, stuffs do happen at the beach side. Most importantly, fear God. What nobody sees, God sees and He is a rewarder and he allows people pay for their sins as well.
Favour:
The most challenging moment in my marriage would be, getting to really understand my husband when we first got married. Knowing the best way to present my case and the best words to use. My husband was a people person while I was a bit reserved. I had a picture of what being a pastor ought to entail, it took quite a while to correct some of those ideas and come to a balance.
The most challenging moment in my marriage would be, getting to really understand my husband when we first got married. Knowing the best way to present my case and the best words to use. My husband was a people person while I was a bit reserved. I had a picture of what being a pastor ought to entail, it took quite a while to correct some of those ideas and come to a balance.
The days at the earlier stage when we didn’t have enough to do so many
things. I remember my first pregnancy, one day, there was no food and no money
to buy anything from anywhere, I was so hungry that I was forced to call my
mummy and tell her that I am hungry and she quickly sent me some money before
we could even go to the bank and collect the money, the appetite to eat was
already gone. Lol.
I had issues with my in- laws really accepting my husband’s issue to
marry at the time he did and that gave birth to a lot. It was really a
challenging moment for the both of us.
Another time was when I experienced two miscarriages, it was horrible,
but we are still standing.
Favour:
Yes, I still kept some of my friends. They became my husband’s friends too. I didn’t have bad friends so there was no need to kick them away. Some of them come to spend some days, some stay at my place when they visit Lagos for something and it’s just been like that.
Yes, I still kept some of my friends. They became my husband’s friends too. I didn’t have bad friends so there was no need to kick them away. Some of them come to spend some days, some stay at my place when they visit Lagos for something and it’s just been like that.
What are the hobbies you share with your
husband? Is it compulsory to share hobbies with one’s spouse?
Favour:
Playing and ministering to people.
Playing and ministering to people.
While it is not compulsory to share hobbies with your spouse, it is very
necessary. This hobbies help in creating a platform of excitement in marriage
or else you want a boring marriage. I sometimes go the way of football because
football (watching and playing) is my husband’s hobby, when I delve into it,
some people think I love football. My husband loves to joke and I make sure I
listen and laugh. It’s important to love the things your spouse loves as long
they are not harmful.
What makes you a good partner?
Favour:
Selflessness makes you a good partner. A selfless person has integrity, is sincere, is caring and loving. You find out that you are always thinking out ways to make the other person comfortable and pleased.
Selflessness makes you a good partner. A selfless person has integrity, is sincere, is caring and loving. You find out that you are always thinking out ways to make the other person comfortable and pleased.
Favour's Family Now
Thank you!
Favour:
You are welcome sir. Thank you too for this privilege and thanks to all who took out time to read. May God help you in your relationship and give you the best partner you can ever have.
You are welcome sir. Thank you too for this privilege and thanks to all who took out time to read. May God help you in your relationship and give you the best partner you can ever have.
Hubby's Epilogue
''My wife, my baby, my associate pastor, the mother of my 3 boys, I love
you more by the day, thanks for coming into my life and decorating it
with your love and support..'' --Pastor Charles Chuks
Favour
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteThere is SHOCKING news in the sports betting industry.
ReplyDeleteIt has been said that every bettor needs to look at this,
Watch this or quit placing bets on sports...
Sports Cash System - SPORTS BETTING ROBOT