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SHOW COURAGE ON YOUR VIEWS ON SEX.

''.....I was raised to respect myself, respect who I am, respect my gender, and respect my body. I've grown up to believe that sex is for married people and I'm grateful to my mum for building in us the values that has made us who we are today. I know I'm a matured lady, as you have repeatedly reminded me, and I'm not going to give up my values because you want me to. You and I are not yet married. And please don't try to force me under your roof to have sex with you, because if yoiu do that, I will never forgive you.....Look, I'm begging you to be patient with me. Our wedding is just weeks away, and then we can do anything we choose to do. I love you and it hurts me that you are making me feel that it is a crime to come spend this weekend with you. I came not because of sex, but because I wanted us to talk over some issues we have not been able to settle yet. Please understand me.....''

Those were the passionate words of a lady to her fiance when he attempted to lure her into sex on a weekend she spent with him. She told me the guy looked into her eyes minutes later and said, ''....I love you so much. If you don't want it now, I respect that. I won't force you....''

I was deeply moved by her experience that I decided to share it so that we can all learn one or two things. For me, I draw the following lessons from the lady's experience:

First, if you as a lady cannot take your stand for what you believe in, no one would take that stand for you.

Second, communication is vital in relationships. One should be able to express his/her thoughts clearly  and wisely.

Third, guyz have a way of luring a lady into sex. They normally would say things like--
''If you love me, you will do it.''
''If you don't do it, I will leave you.''
''Are you the only virgin in town? Come on grow up!''
''All the girls are doing it.''
''You know there are girls that are dying to have me. If you don't do it, I will go for them''
''I love you and I will never leave you even if we do it.''
''Trust me, I won't hurt your feelings.''
''Today is my birthday, and you don't want to make me happy. If you don't do it, you've spoilt my day.''
''Can't we do it as a birthday gift to me?''
Etc.

When guyz say these things to a lady, they are only desperate to satisfy their sexual urge. There is no substance in what they say. A lady should therefore be able to assert herself and say ''NO!''

The truth is that marriage provides a better platform for sexual fulfilment.

Andrew Adedayo Adetoye
Relationship Coach/Consultant.

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