If you are in a relationship that's in some trouble, ask yourself the following questions.
Let's look now at some ways to handle the difficulties:
It's better by far for both partners to accept that they share joint responsibility for the relationship and to agree that when they are having problems they should work at them together.
But if you have established that you both have a will to make things better, you need to look at your joint schedules and find time when you can be together.
If you don't find time, improvement will be slow or non-existent.
But if you can make time to talk and to be together, you may well overcome your difficulties.
Suppose the door bell rings. One partner may yell at the other: 'Get that will you?' It doesn't take much effort to add the word 'please' or to ask in a different way, such as: 'Would you mind answering the door?'
This may sound a small point, and maybe an old-fashioned one, but when couples bellow demands at each other, it sounds abrasive and disrespectful.
When aggression becomes a habit, it can seriously damage the romance in a relationship.
The key thing here is that you should make sure you show each other the respect that you did when you first met.
A small thing like changing work clothes for something brighter for dinner – and the woman putting on some make-up and the man having a shave – can transform a routine evening into more of an occasion.
If you and your partner are struggling to discuss the things that matter to you both, it's a good idea to deploy the 10-minute rule.
You'll have a good laugh, and if these friends have known you since the beginning of your relationship, it will remind you of happier days and you'll feel younger and more carefree.
- What do you each want out of the relationship?
- Do you still enjoy your life together?
- Are you ready to sacrifice time and energy to make your relationship work again?
- Do you still love each other?
Let's look now at some ways to handle the difficulties:
Stop the blame game
When things are going badly, couples tend to ask who is at fault and which of them is to blame. Neither of these questions is helpful.It's better by far for both partners to accept that they share joint responsibility for the relationship and to agree that when they are having problems they should work at them together.
Find time to work on your relationship
In today's busy, modern world, you need to find time for each other. This is not easy if you both have hectic careers and becomes even more difficult when you have children.But if you have established that you both have a will to make things better, you need to look at your joint schedules and find time when you can be together.
If you don't find time, improvement will be slow or non-existent.
But if you can make time to talk and to be together, you may well overcome your difficulties.
Change the way you communicate
Frequently, couples stop making an effort with each other. They may even insult each other or take each other for granted.Suppose the door bell rings. One partner may yell at the other: 'Get that will you?' It doesn't take much effort to add the word 'please' or to ask in a different way, such as: 'Would you mind answering the door?'
This may sound a small point, and maybe an old-fashioned one, but when couples bellow demands at each other, it sounds abrasive and disrespectful.
When aggression becomes a habit, it can seriously damage the romance in a relationship.
The key thing here is that you should make sure you show each other the respect that you did when you first met.
Make an effort for each other
Lack of respect can also be shown in appearances. It's sad that couples often stop making an effort with how they look.A small thing like changing work clothes for something brighter for dinner – and the woman putting on some make-up and the man having a shave – can transform a routine evening into more of an occasion.
Try the 10-minute rule
Men often say: 'She just wants to go on and on about things, and it drives me mad.' While women say: 'We never talk.' Both parties cannot be right!If you and your partner are struggling to discuss the things that matter to you both, it's a good idea to deploy the 10-minute rule.
- One partner has his or her say for 10 minutes. During this time the other partner listens intently and does not interrupt.
- After 10 minutes, the second partner takes the floor for 10 minutes. Men, in particular, appreciate the chance to have their say without interruption and with the guarantee that the conversation will not go on all night.
- After both of you have had your say, have a further 10 minutes between you.
- The whole discussion should be over in 30 minutes.
- If both parties agree to carry on with the conversation, that's fine, but it should never go on for more than an hour.
Have an evening out
Try to have one evening out per week, just the two of you. If you have children this is more difficult to arrange, but it's not impossible. And when you have this 'date', avoid talking about your offspring or work.Socialise as a couple
Another good thing to do is to make sure that you get some friends round on a regular basis, even if it's just for a takeaway or supper round the kitchen table.You'll have a good laugh, and if these friends have known you since the beginning of your relationship, it will remind you of happier days and you'll feel younger and more carefree.
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